Do you ever wish you could just be angry, all the time? You may not (and usually I don't either), but right now all I want to do is be angry. Why can't people just leave me alone? Why can't people just be mature? Why do people need so much from me? Why can't I feel better about myself? Why does my past have to control me? Why is school so hard? Why do I feel like I have to constantly prove myself? Why isn't summer here already? Why do I get so overwhelmed by my sin? Why doesn't God always make Himself known in my life? Why can't I feel Him right now? Why have I been on the verge of tears for the past 8 hours? Why is my skin so dry it's bleeding? Why is your situation always worse than mine? Why does my life feel like a catch-22? Why do I feel incredibly happy and sad about my life right now? Why can't the weather make up its mind? Why do I have 4 exams in the same week? Why do my problems seem so trivial at times and then the end of the world at others? Why can't I sleep at night even though I'm beyond exhaustion? Why don't I want to talk to anyone about it? Why can't people be consistent? Why do I have so many questions?
I don't even know where to begin. It seems so appealing to just be angry and not make any effort to do anything about it. I'm finding that I'm getting angry at things that have never made me (and shouldn't make me) angry before. I don't even know if it's really anger, or if that's just what I'm labeling it as since I don't even know why I'm truly feeling this way. Is there a purpose in me feeling this way? Yes, you could pull the God-card and say that He's using this situation to mold and shape me in some way. And yes, I know that He is working in me in some way, but I honestly don't feel it right now. I just want to listen to sappy, pitiful music and cry and sulk in my own self-pity, and that's awful. Where do I go from here? How do I get out of this funk? Why am I even in a funk? My life isn't going down the toilet, it's actually pretty great, but I can't see it that way. I have so much to be thankful for, yet my mind can't get past this anger and confusion as to why I am actually angry.
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